"I'm a Papa's Girl"

Sharing something with him has never been an obligation but I’m simply unable to restrain myself from not doing so. I love to confide my fears, anxieties and excitement with him. My dad is my greatest friend, guide and support. I just can’t recall a time when I felt hesitant in asking or telling him about something. He is my confidant.

It isn’t that I don’t share things with my mom but my dad and I share so many common interests and that’s why I connect to him in a much easier way than my mom. My mom follows a daily regimen, quite monotonous and boring one but I don’t blame her for that as she gets up early in the morning and works a lot throughout the day. While my dad (I call him papa) and I enjoy listening to old songs and sipping black coffee at midnight which my mother strongly disapproves of, for obvious reasons that I just mentioned. Nevertheless, we always used get our way and move to the other room with sheepish smiles on our faces. This little time at night gave us a few moments of togetherness which used to be lost during the day, overshadowed by his work and my college.

It had only been a few months that I had passed out of school. I was in I.A 1^st year. Being in college meant like a promise of freedom to me. Not that I was ever restricted from doing what I wanted as far as it was not way too audacious like riding my scooty at midnight in Patna though I succeeded in doing that too (that’s a different story altogether). So, here I was, ready to explore the world in the way I wanted. I wanted to try new things and come out of my cocoon.

Sneha, my college best friend and I often used to chat at night and discuss about our little adventures and things that we would do when we find the right opportunity. Smoking was one thing that fascinated both of us and we were just waiting for the right moment to try this crazy fad. Finally the wait was over. It was a cold afternoon and I was home alone. I called up Sneha and we were chit-chatting and it suddenly occurred to both of us that this is the perfect time for which we were looking for. Sneha managed to get a cigarette from her uncle’s closet and she came to my place as soon as she could. We were thrilled by the thought of smoking. And we finally shared a cigarette. To our surprise, the feeling of excitement soon subsided and the experience didn’t really turn out to be as we had expected. Nevertheless, we were done with one of the things in our ‘bucket list.’

Soon mom came back and Sneha also went home. I somehow felt guilty of doing something stealthily in my own house. But I couldn’t gather the courage to tell mom. Papa came back from office. I was engulfed in this annoying feeling within me which was not letting me be calm and do things straight. I had a sudden urge to tell papa about the day’s happenings but didn’t know how to put it in front of him. I prepared tea for him. And yes, he likes to have tea prepared by me only…flavoured leaf tea! Anyway coming back to my pathetic guilty state of mind, I managed to go to papa who was working on something. As dramatic as it may sound, I asked my mom and Ishu (my sister) to leave the two of us alone as I wanted to talk only to papa. Papa looked at me in amazement at my sudden surprising behaviour. Now it was time to blurt it all out. And so did I, giving him every specific detail of our little adventure. I went on and on. And suddenly I realised it wasn’t as big a deal for him. It made me feel less guilty now. He smiled at me affectionately and said, “I know you’re feeling bad about doing this without our knowledge but I know this is a part of your growing up. I’m glad you came up to me and shared this.” This was such a moment of relief to me and papa had proved it again that he understands me just the way as I would want him to. As curious a soul as I am, I asked him, “so when was the first time you tried a cigarette?”

“I was younger than you when I did,” he said mockingly. We laughed out loud and then I left the room. My mom and Ishu were so curious to know about what had just conspired. Now I had no qualms about it and I narrated the whole incident to them enthusiastically all over again. My mom was a bit taken aback by my audacity but papa helped me understand her concern and I think he also helped her understand my perspective. And that’s the reason why I don’t ever feel hesitant in sharing anything with him because he not only acts as a mentor but also understands me as a friend.

My relationship with him has been through all its moments…from cute and cuddly to cold fights over the silliest things. These things have enriched our relationship and now that I’m away from him I can feel a void within. But even now, when I need guidance for anything under the sun, he’s the one I approach.

I have always been very close to him and everyone at home calls me “Papa’s girl”. And papa says I’m the delicate extension of his dreams. This trust that he has in me has always given me confidence at times when I had crucial decisions to make. It is the driving force that makes me believe in myself. He’s my first love, my hero and a person I look up to. 
Here's wishing a very Happy Valentine's Day to the first love of my life...